I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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