i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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