Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
