Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
