I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
