dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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