Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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