hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
