Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
