Will you blow on my dice?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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