The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
