What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
