i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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