I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
