his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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