You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
