Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
