i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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