My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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