I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
