I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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