i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
