the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
