you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
