Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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