I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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