Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize