So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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