Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
