I cannot find my penis.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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