Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I AM VODKA MAN
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
