oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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