he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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