I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
