I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize