So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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