She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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