I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
