you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
