This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
