There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
