I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
