apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
