It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's like iHOP with fire
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
