He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
