Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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