Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
