I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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