Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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