Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
