got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
