He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
