Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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