Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize