I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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