i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
