If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
