sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
