Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
