i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
