there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
