She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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