I want to have your abortion
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
