Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
